Last week I was confident about going back to school to become a PA. Now, I am waffling again. Chad is talking about opening his own medical practice and having me help him run it. I stay at home with the kids now, and I am constantly busy as it is. Can I really add going back to school and pursuing a demanding career on top of that? Why do I want to? Do I want to? Is it some societal or perceived pressure that I feel that now that my kids are in school I should be working?
I made this decision once before. I chose not to go to medical school so that I could be primarily a parent to Ryan while Chad went through medical school. At the time, I had no idea where my life would lead me. I had no idea that residency would be as demanding as it was. Now, the idea of going to medical school sounds okay, but doing a residency? No. Also, Chad was able to go to medical school where he got in, and match in residency where the computer sent him. Whatever path I choose, it will be more restrictive because the kids and his career will always come first, and I will never be able to pursue what I want to pursue full-throttle. Chad always had me here. He has never had to worry about getting the kids to the pediatrician or baseball practice or band concerts. He has never had to worry about location for his job or school, knowing that I would move wherever I had to. Clearly, I already have. How is any of that going to change now that he is going into practice? "Oh, sorry, Mr. Smith. I'd love to sew up your hip wound, but I'm running late. I need to pick up my daughter from ballet. My wife has a microbiology final." The scenarios are endless. Kids get sick at school, teacher work days, summer vacation, and so on. The bottom line is, he cannot support me in my pursuit of a career the way or to the degree that I supported him no matter how much he may want to or I may want him to.
I keep coming up with con after con about going back to school and eventually to work. I am having a hard time coming up with many pros. Why, then, do I still want to? It doesn't make a lot of sense to me, rationally or emotionally. I think I'll start slow. I'll sign up for a class or two and see how it works out. All I can do is put on my big girl panties and make the grown up decision to decide what and who I want to be.
I made this decision once before. I chose not to go to medical school so that I could be primarily a parent to Ryan while Chad went through medical school. At the time, I had no idea where my life would lead me. I had no idea that residency would be as demanding as it was. Now, the idea of going to medical school sounds okay, but doing a residency? No. Also, Chad was able to go to medical school where he got in, and match in residency where the computer sent him. Whatever path I choose, it will be more restrictive because the kids and his career will always come first, and I will never be able to pursue what I want to pursue full-throttle. Chad always had me here. He has never had to worry about getting the kids to the pediatrician or baseball practice or band concerts. He has never had to worry about location for his job or school, knowing that I would move wherever I had to. Clearly, I already have. How is any of that going to change now that he is going into practice? "Oh, sorry, Mr. Smith. I'd love to sew up your hip wound, but I'm running late. I need to pick up my daughter from ballet. My wife has a microbiology final." The scenarios are endless. Kids get sick at school, teacher work days, summer vacation, and so on. The bottom line is, he cannot support me in my pursuit of a career the way or to the degree that I supported him no matter how much he may want to or I may want him to.
I keep coming up with con after con about going back to school and eventually to work. I am having a hard time coming up with many pros. Why, then, do I still want to? It doesn't make a lot of sense to me, rationally or emotionally. I think I'll start slow. I'll sign up for a class or two and see how it works out. All I can do is put on my big girl panties and make the grown up decision to decide what and who I want to be.
|
Oh Honey! This is a sticky wicket to be sure!!! My children are much older than yours and to tell the truth - it doesn't end. I am needed almost everyday for some reason or another. I would need to make an insane amount of money (where we live) to be able to afford the help that we would need. I figured it up once and I would need to net about 75,000 a year to make it all work. You are in my thoughts and I hope that you are able to make a comfortable decision. ~BA~
It is perfectly reasonable to not go back to school right now with everything that you have on your plate (moving, dh starting a new job, etc). There is also nothing wrong with designating *mom* as your full-time job no matter what. I know that you once planned on medical school and later PA school, but as you know, our lives do change us and our dreams can change as well. Just ... enjoy the journey. If it eventually leads you to PA school because it is what you want, that's great...if not...well, there is nothing wrong with that!
Hi Heidi! It's Shannon. From high school. I have no idea what would be the best decision for you right now. But I really like your idea of starting with a class or two. That will get you back into the swing of school. And in my experience, when faced with a tough decision like that, often the best thing to do is to pick a direction and start moving that way. Pretty quickly I seem to get a feel for whether it's the right direction for that point in my life.
Lindsay Rosenwald http://knol.google.com/k/lindsay-rosenwald/biography-of-lindsay-rosenwald/1o9w67occ8qjz/1 Biography Of Lindsay Rosenwald and various many achievements credited.