I just got home from dropping Chad off at the airport. This will be his last visit home until he is here for good in three weeks. We spent the day going through Ryan's things. We are having to move into a rather small apartment for a while, and don't have room for a lot of extras.
Ryan was rather emotional about it all. He didn't want to get rid of a good number of things that I don't really see him play with anymore, but he wasn't quite ready to leave behind either. There were quite a number of things that we were able to put in a donate pile, but his younger sister was much more stoic about the process when we went through her things a few weeks ago.
We also went through his clothes. That sucked. It made me realize how little he has that fits him anymore. What size does a boy go to when he is out of size 16 pants? That's the size he needs now, and the 14's just aren't cutting it anymore, even for shorts. The XL boys shirts are also bordering on too small, and I think he is going to be in the Men's Department for not only shoes, but all clothes, before too long. He already has some Men's small t-shirts, but I am lost on the pants. Do I need to measure his waist and inseam? Poor boy. I got him some new sneakers - 8.5 wide Men's. They are nice, Sketcher's, and I got them for a pretty good price. He claims that all the boys at his school have 4 or 5 pairs of Jordan's. Sorry buddy, I like things like food and electricity too much for Jordan's. At the same time, I remember the pressure of middle school fashions and wanting desperately to have Girbaud and Guess jeans like all the other kids and being hotly embarrased by my Lee's.
After going through his closet, Chad looks under his bed and finds Ryan's "stash." No, not drugs, stolen goods, or anything of that nature, but food. Empty bags of chips, a dirty bowl, a spoon, several empty soda cans, and wrappers for various snacks. I swear, I feed him every night, and three meals on weekends! There is a rule in our house about not eating anywhere except the kitchen, and he knows this. I immediately remind him of the rule and the consequences for breaking it when he breaks down about how he "never does anything right." His self worth seems so low. Right now in his classes, he is getting two B's. I guess for a child who won the Principal's award and has a 4.0 grade point average, this amounts to high treason. I spent the next hour trying to console a crying 12-year-old and telling him how much I love him and his never-ending list of remarkable qualities. I tell him that he is not only highly intelligent, but thoughtful, kind, empathetic, athletic, talented, and a better son than any mother could ever hope for. He is a fantastic older brother and consistently amazes me every day with his protective and loving way toward her.
I am trying to compose myself, because I am telling him all of these things through my tears. I tell him that I will always love him no matter what. No matter what mistakes he makes, I will love him fiercely, and I will always have his back. He does not need to be perfect. He just needs to be himself, and that is enough for me. If he fails his classes, I might be disappointed, but I would not love him any less than if he were to grow up to cure cancer or be the President of the United States. I hug him, and he seems to be feeling a bit better. I love him for his sensitivity too, as I am also very tender hearted, but my God, it is maddening. When I was a little girl, I am told that I was called "Tender Heart." To this, I replied, "Yup, I am tender like a steak." After the talking, we go into the kitchen to play a card game before we have to take Chad back to the airport.
Alexia is astute too, and she comes into the room some time later with the best thing she knows to do. She gives Ryan a drawing. On it, are stick figures of him and her holding hands with a heart between them. The words, "I love you" are scrawled inside the heart. Of course, I begin to weep again and Ryan does as well.
Parenting is HARD. Even if your kids are so good, parenting is hard. I am spent.
I listened to the audio book of The Hunger Games this weekend, and I really liked it. I put it on Ryan's iPod for him to listen to next. I think he'll like it too. I have just downloaded the second book, Catching Fire, and I think I may start it tonight. Or, I may just close my eyes and sleep.
Three more days of school. My mom and one of my very good friends are both having surgery on Wednesday as well (also my mom's birthday - she said it was as good a day as any to have the surgery done). Both live far enough away that there isn't anything I can do for them, and they are both having minor, similar procedures, but I wish I could still be there for them. My mom is in Utah and my friend is in Minnesota. Other than that, this week I need to go through my clothes and the garage to pare down as much as I can. Fun stuff.
Ryan was rather emotional about it all. He didn't want to get rid of a good number of things that I don't really see him play with anymore, but he wasn't quite ready to leave behind either. There were quite a number of things that we were able to put in a donate pile, but his younger sister was much more stoic about the process when we went through her things a few weeks ago.
We also went through his clothes. That sucked. It made me realize how little he has that fits him anymore. What size does a boy go to when he is out of size 16 pants? That's the size he needs now, and the 14's just aren't cutting it anymore, even for shorts. The XL boys shirts are also bordering on too small, and I think he is going to be in the Men's Department for not only shoes, but all clothes, before too long. He already has some Men's small t-shirts, but I am lost on the pants. Do I need to measure his waist and inseam? Poor boy. I got him some new sneakers - 8.5 wide Men's. They are nice, Sketcher's, and I got them for a pretty good price. He claims that all the boys at his school have 4 or 5 pairs of Jordan's. Sorry buddy, I like things like food and electricity too much for Jordan's. At the same time, I remember the pressure of middle school fashions and wanting desperately to have Girbaud and Guess jeans like all the other kids and being hotly embarrased by my Lee's.
After going through his closet, Chad looks under his bed and finds Ryan's "stash." No, not drugs, stolen goods, or anything of that nature, but food. Empty bags of chips, a dirty bowl, a spoon, several empty soda cans, and wrappers for various snacks. I swear, I feed him every night, and three meals on weekends! There is a rule in our house about not eating anywhere except the kitchen, and he knows this. I immediately remind him of the rule and the consequences for breaking it when he breaks down about how he "never does anything right." His self worth seems so low. Right now in his classes, he is getting two B's. I guess for a child who won the Principal's award and has a 4.0 grade point average, this amounts to high treason. I spent the next hour trying to console a crying 12-year-old and telling him how much I love him and his never-ending list of remarkable qualities. I tell him that he is not only highly intelligent, but thoughtful, kind, empathetic, athletic, talented, and a better son than any mother could ever hope for. He is a fantastic older brother and consistently amazes me every day with his protective and loving way toward her.
I am trying to compose myself, because I am telling him all of these things through my tears. I tell him that I will always love him no matter what. No matter what mistakes he makes, I will love him fiercely, and I will always have his back. He does not need to be perfect. He just needs to be himself, and that is enough for me. If he fails his classes, I might be disappointed, but I would not love him any less than if he were to grow up to cure cancer or be the President of the United States. I hug him, and he seems to be feeling a bit better. I love him for his sensitivity too, as I am also very tender hearted, but my God, it is maddening. When I was a little girl, I am told that I was called "Tender Heart." To this, I replied, "Yup, I am tender like a steak." After the talking, we go into the kitchen to play a card game before we have to take Chad back to the airport.
Alexia is astute too, and she comes into the room some time later with the best thing she knows to do. She gives Ryan a drawing. On it, are stick figures of him and her holding hands with a heart between them. The words, "I love you" are scrawled inside the heart. Of course, I begin to weep again and Ryan does as well.
Parenting is HARD. Even if your kids are so good, parenting is hard. I am spent.
I listened to the audio book of The Hunger Games this weekend, and I really liked it. I put it on Ryan's iPod for him to listen to next. I think he'll like it too. I have just downloaded the second book, Catching Fire, and I think I may start it tonight. Or, I may just close my eyes and sleep.
Three more days of school. My mom and one of my very good friends are both having surgery on Wednesday as well (also my mom's birthday - she said it was as good a day as any to have the surgery done). Both live far enough away that there isn't anything I can do for them, and they are both having minor, similar procedures, but I wish I could still be there for them. My mom is in Utah and my friend is in Minnesota. Other than that, this week I need to go through my clothes and the garage to pare down as much as I can. Fun stuff.
Oh Heidi,
You are such a good mom. Ryan and Alexia are lucky to have you there leading them through this. Parenting is so much harder than I ever could have imagined and you are doing a great job during a very difficult time.
I am so sorry that you are having to move again.
Tender: soft, delicate, gentle, easily moved to sympathy or compassion, affectionate, loving.
Yes, you are tender, but not like a steak. You are tender like the soft, gentle touch of a loving mother, like the tender blue of a clear blue sky, or a tender glance to a friend in need.
Don't you forget that!
Kris
Oh Heidi,
You are such a good mom. Ryan and Alexia are lucky to have you there leading them through this. Parenting is so much harder than I ever could have imagined and you are doing a great job during a very difficult time.
I am so sorry that you are having to move again.
Tender: soft, delicate, gentle, easily moved to sympathy or compassion, affectionate, loving.
Yes, you are tender, but not like a steak. You are tender like the soft, gentle touch of a loving mother, like the tender blue of a clear blue sky, or a tender glance to a friend in need.
Don't you forget that!
Kris
I have never commented before, and don't know you in real life... but I wanted to just say here that I think you are doing such a good job! Ryan is in some of the hardest years of life, and you are being the loving support system that he needs. What a difficult time for you both :(
I was curious whether Ryan receives an allowance. When I was about 13, my parents started giving me a rather large sum of money for my allowance, but I was expected to buy EVERYTHING I needed/wanted except for food. I had a budget spreadsheet where I assigned every single one of my dollars to a column (fun/"toys"/clothes/field trips/friends bday presents/sports team fees/etc). It taught me the value of money, and also allowed me to spend my money where I wanted. I remember wanting to fit in so much in junior high with the stylish clothes, so I saved up for MONTHS to buy Tommy Hilfiger jeans. I was so excited to buy them, and loved them with all my heart. My parents were not well off by any means, but I was able to get them because I saved for them. The only reason I mention this to you is so that maybe Ryan could save up for those Jordans he wants so much!? I just thought I'd put that out there :)
Lindsay Rosenwald http://knol.google.com/k/lindsay-rosenwald/biography-of-lindsay-rosenwald/1o9w67occ8qjz/1 Biography Of Lindsay Rosenwald and various many achievements credited.